I am avoiding the easel. Starting is so hard. I am often in my way. Stutter, pause and start. It seems to be the way I approach everything. Gently creeping to the edge of the water, dipping my toe in. Thinking about whether I will enjoy the swim. Will the water be cold or slimy, will icky creatures touch my feet, or will the water be warm and relaxing, better than I expect. I spend too much time here.There is a voice that tells me."Go for it, just do it, you can do it!." It is such a battle! I know there are those out there that are disciplined and able to pump out work by the truck load. Where does the discipline come from? Is it an either or proposition? Either you have it or you don't. Should I fight it or give in? If I give in I won't get anything accomplished and will end my days a regretful old lady. What is important anyway? I have a son that asks me to do things with him all day long. I say no more often than yes. Is my job to entertain my child all day and take care of my family? Some would say yes. Some would say that I am being selfish spending my hours on such a frivolous pursuit. I know some believe art is a luxury. Schools have reduced their art program to once a week and will probably eliminate it entirely. When the economy suffers artists suffer along with it. I am reading a fictional book about Renoir and his inner struggle to paint what he wanted or paint to sell. One option leaves you penniless and the other .......Isn't painting like any other job. There are parts of it that you just do and other parts that are fun. The difference is that artist are self employed and depend on the public to keep them alive. It is so hard, especially today to sell a painting .I am often tempted to paint in a style that would sell more paintings. I want to vomit, It feels so wrong. It also keeps me further from my goal of abandonment from realistic interpretation (most popular with the masses). Oh stop whining and paint!